When I think of my own grandparents, I can’t help but smile they are four of the best people I have ever known. And yet they are all very different from one another. The only thing they all have in common is that like most grandparents they always want to feed me. Even at times when I was a bit heavier than usual they would tell me it looked like I needed to eat and would offer food. Normally food when you’re not hungry is easy to turn down but not when they are offering all of your favorite things. Thus sometimes visiting them would be a dilemma because I was on a diet.
When I think of my daughter it is hard for me to see my parents and my husband’s parents as her grandparents. What were they going to be like? They were good parents to us but there were a few things that they did that we did not like and had vowed we would not do with our own children. I think this is common, not because we had bad parents but because all people are different and like to do things their own way.
I hoped these behaviors would not be an issue in the future. I tried again to think of my grandparents, and if there were times when my parents were upset with them for things they did with us. I can remember only a few, one time at my dad’s parent’s house we dressed my little brother up (he was 2 at the time) as a girl for a home video I was directing. We had not done this to be mean, my grandmother just did not have any cute little boy clothes in the dress up box. My father was irate over this; looking back it is still a little ridiculous, can we say, overreaction. We neither left the house, nor did we intend to show anyone other than ourselves this video; what was there to be upset over?
What are the boundaries when you become a parent and your parent is out of line? Are we supposed to let some things slide? Do our parents still know best? Even now my husband still depends on his parents for many decisions. I don’t mind if he wants to ask their opinion but it is no longer their choice. When we were moving into our new home I was 7Â½ months pregnant so they came to help us with the move. When we were packing my father in-law stumbled across multiple storage drawers of my purses, he went on to say that they were junk and taking up space, how often did I really use them etc. He then went on to tell my husband and my motherâin-law as well. The three of them than proceeded to tell me that his mom only had one purse because that is all you really “need.”
Perhaps they were right, maybe I only “needed” one but I wanted the 22 others because I like to have options and they were nice expensive handbags that I had purchased over the years. After much arguing and debate I agreed to give away the less expensive bags that I used less often. To this day it irks me, I did not want to get rid of them, I had kept them because I liked them and they were mine to keep. Why did it matter to anyone else? If they fit in our little 2-bedroom condo, how is it that we would not have room for them in our four-bedroom home with both a garage and an attic?
I had been bullied and I did not want this to happen again; especially if it is regarding the way we choose to raise our daughter. Your children are your own and therefore I think that the way you choose to raise them should be uniquely yours as well. Maybe that is where the boundary lies: input is welcome but that is the end of the line. Say what you wish but give us the respect to make the final decision and trust that when it comes to our baby we know best.
Gabriella Gometra is webmaster of http://stonewaredinnerwaresets.org, which has information about plain white dinnerware sets and casual dinnerware sets.